omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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