yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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