So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
