Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
