Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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