Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
