How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
