Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
try to milk me bitch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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