do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
