girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
