Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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