i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
