Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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