he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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