Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
