I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
