If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
