What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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