I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
