you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
