um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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