Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
