it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
