Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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