i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
