Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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