And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I look better un-naked...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
