I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
