she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
