Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
