cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
