He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
