C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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