you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
