Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
