Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
