She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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