Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
third nipple confirmed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
