i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We won't sleep together?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
