My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
