If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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