hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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