can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
