ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
