You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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