worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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