Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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