You work out of a Hotel?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
