just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
