the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We are two peas in an std pod
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize