Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
