why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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