After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
